He’s Back!
The music teacher is happy today. In fact she’s been happy for the past week. She’s written four chapters of her book, which is receiving favourable comments from her writer’s group, and her most recent lover is back in contact.
He contacted her initially on the adult dating site about two months ago. She liked his picture and his profile wasn’t offensive or banal like so many are, and better still his message was articulate. But at that time she was getting fed up with the approaches of men who lacked any sensitivity to her as a woman or even as a human being so she wrote him a reply that was probably a bit aggressive and demanded to know what he was looking for. His reply was thoughtful and demonstrated that he was actually interested in getting to know her over a period of time before and after any sexual contact.
They began chatting, and got on really well, so they began texting and helped each other through the working day with humour and sexual exchanges. She had fun – lust, desire and laughter are a good combination for her.
He is sixteen years younger but unlike a lot of other young men who’ve contacted her is intelligent, knowledgeable over a broad range of subjects, witty, cute, thoughtful, self-aware, tolerant and appeared to be reliable. He loves movies and they seemed to share similar tastes, some quite surprising like, Amadeus, Don Juan de Marco, Immortal Beloved and others. The man had a sensitive soul and looked beyond the obvious and the trends of popular culture.
They talked on the phone, sharing orgasms over the air waves – not something I’d do but I guess distance makes life difficult for lovers. She loved his voice, and the soft way he encouraged her, and described how he would make love to her – she couldn’t wait to know him in the flesh.
Then last week, on the spur of the moment, he drove more than twenty hours for a holiday and made plans to meet. He texted her as he drove, sending sexy messages, but the most arousing were those letting her know where he was because he was getting closer and she became more aroused the closer he got. He arrived at his destination two hours away from her at 11 pm Saturday and sent the message “I’m home!” and she was ecstatic.
The next day she didn’t hear from him. She gave him space to recover from the drive but because he’d said something vague about Saturday night she became anxious that like so many others, he’d let her down.
It’s like that in the adult dating world. There are a lot of people who make passionate connections online who don’t follow through on the real stuff and either back out at the last minute or sever contact without warning. She’d had a lot of those, and each one hurt and diminished her trust just a little more. She didn’t think he was like that, hoped against hope it wasn’t going to happen again and was lost in the bind of whether to wait or make contact.
She chose the latter, knowing it was breaking the “rules” of dating. His reply text seemed very relaxed, laid back and non-committal so she started to panic and sent a text saying “If you’re not keen, just say so.” He said he was but didn’t know his plans. Fear was driving her and she became hurt and angry, unable to call, reliant on a medium that had no vocal tone or immediacy of reply. She was sure she’d blown it but in the end, he sent a rational and kind reply and everything was okay.
They set a date for Tuesday and she left him space to be with his friends and family without interference. On Monday night they were in contact again and he sent a message saying he was nervous, so she called to set his mind at rest. It wasn’t long now, in less than twelve hours they would be in each other’s arms.
The next morning she dressed in her fancy new underwear and satin robe, and wrote to a friend about the frisson of anticipation, the unknown, the joy of finally holding someone you’ve been so intimate with but never touched.
He arrived right on time and she opened the door to him. He was a little shorter than she expected, longer hair, growing a beard, but he said “hello” just like he did on the phone and they kissed, tasting, lips sensing, then engulfing. They hugged with the hunger of separated lovers, pressing their bodies together and any lingering doubts were gone.
She asked him to follow her upstairs to her room but he wanted to take her there on the stairs. Hurried undressing, lustful caresses, then union. They made love all day with the joyful enthusiasm she remembered from her youth. His desire to give her pleasure was unrelenting and she surrendered to him, coming over and over again, in so many different ways, and when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he took her again.
They made love in the shower, the kitchen and the bed, caressing each other, looking into each others eyes in close embraces, then in those timeless moments of rest in each other’s arms, which were few and far between.
As the time approached for him to leave she waited for the quick little kisses that most men use to break the contact, the withdrawal into the box that lets her know she’ll be left alone soon. But he loved her until the end and although she had to let him go, she felt more satisfied than she had at any time in her life.
For the rest of the day and the night she was dehydrated, wobbly on her legs and euphoric. They exchanged text messages that night affirming the pleasure of the day.
The danger for the music teacher after a tryst is the next phase. After sharing intimacy men seem to shift gears very quickly as they return to the compartment of their other world where she doesn’t exist, expecting her to do the same. But she takes a lot longer to come down because she still craves the gentle caress of contact with her lover. They say that oxytocin, the bonding chemical released during childbirth is present during orgasm creating a bond with one’s lover (http://www.liveleantoday.com/article.cfm?id=976). It feels to her like she’s coming down from a drug overdose after really good sex and she feels the pain of withdrawal as the chemical leaves her system when her lover has gone.
She didn’t know how long it would be before he was going home. He was going back to his friends two hours away and she didn’t want to be troublesome or appear needy. She’d just have to wait for him to contact her.
The fear was that she wouldn’t hear from him again. A lot of men do that. They create heart connections in the build up to meeting, create intimacy in the sex, then disappear, leaving a void that’s hard to fill. It’s easy to accept the rejection if it’s upfront but when they disappear without notice she feels humiliated and invalidated, as if she had only imagined the ardent connection that existed before meeting. The worst time is the first few days spent not knowing. It feels like cruel and unusual punishment for giving so much of yourself.
He wasn’t like that. Yesterday, after a few days without him, she was lying in her bed and received a message “I’m on my way home”. She was filled with joy, which is ironic given the fact that he was now so far away, but she could talk to him again, see him online and be part of his life. They texted through the day and he arrived home late last night. They talked on the phone and hearing his voice again made her feel like sunshine.
She loves him. Not in a possessive “I want to have your babies” kind of way. It’s a love given lightly and freely without the burden of obligation – he can be who he wants to be and do what he wants to do without any demands from her. She just loves who he is and how he makes her feel. Her life is enriched with him in it.
